ONE MINUTE MELEE SEASON VII: Dan Hibiki vs Toori Aoi
Description 2 Fighters! No Research! 60 Seconds! Since when do fights not become fights? About time the question is answered. Two goddamned losers; One, who can't seem to get a break by CAPCOM, and the other, a Perverted Viceroy do the impossible; fight with words, not fists. With their Humility, Embarrassment from God, and their comedic wit on the line, who will win the 60 second comedy-duel?! And what the crap is the point of this Joke Fight anyway?!? Interlude 2 FIGHTERS! NO RESEARCH! 60 SECONDS! 1! MINUTE! MELEE!!! PRESS START! SELECT YOUR CHARACTER! (PLAYER ONE CHOOSES Dan Hibiki.) (PLAYER TWO CHOOSES Toori Aoi.) LET'S ROCK? Alrighty! / Uh, one sec... (Alrighty! selected.) Beginning LOCATION: FRANCE DESTINATION: SOME COMEDY CLUB As the audience was applauding Toori Aoi's comedic wit, the Boke kept it up... Toori: Heheh. Thank you, thank you; you guys are all too kind! So yeah, if... Masazumi: (Whisper) This guy was already a perverted idiot enough! What makes him think being a comedian will cure a terminal curse?! Futayo: (Whisper) Well... He is kinda funny. Masazumi: URUSAI! (Shut up!) Toori: Anyways, I don't like it when a female refers to any guy as a pervert, and says us dudes are all the same. Audience: (Laughs) Toori: Sure we have trees for genetalia, but that doesn't make an entire gender a race of pervs. Raise your hand if you think this is annoying, and is a lady. Surprisingly, one woman raised her hand. She then got bitchslapped to death. Literally. Toori: Well... The nicest woman in the crowd just kicked the bucket. Oh well, I can manage. That was when a door was destroyed revealing one pissed off, Pink Hakama wearing Dan Hibiki, who believes the show must stop. Dan: Hey, smirking dumbass! Yeah, I'm talking to you, bitch! (Cues Little Busters! Original Soundtrack CD2 01 "Mission Possible (But Difficult Task)") Toori though, as per usual, was undeterred. Toori: Ruh-Ro. It looks like we have a Heckler on the loose. Masazumi: SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU JERKING PIECE OF SHIT! Toori: And it seems we got another... But I have an Idea! A 60 second comedy duel to decide who is funnier; Me, or... Masazumi: (Please be me... I'd love to get back at that sicko!) Toori: ...The guy in pink that just broke in! Dan: You want a piece of me?! I couldn't deliver to others like me, but you are just regular! It should be a piece of cake! Toori then made his already huge smirk bigger. Toori: Well what are you waiting for? Step right up! Dan did just that as Toori was about to set the clock for 60 seconds. (Cues Saya no Uta OST 12 SAVAGE) Toori: Ready everyone? Dan: You're going to get it, DOOD! Toori: Sixty seconds on the clock! Ready. S- The Fight NOBODY BLINK! (eeeeeeet...) BEGIN! (Go!) 59.9-55.8: Toori: You know I must've gotten my pervy traits from gramps cuz he was craving sex like Family Feud contestants! 55.2-53.9: Audience: (Laughs) 53.1-48.9: Dan: My Pops is dead, and Gouken is still a dickweed for kicking me out of his dojo. Same for Ryu and Ken for mocking me as a human. 48.4-46.7: Somehow, The Audience roared with laughter, forcing Toori to improvise his comedic talent... 46.1-40.3: Toori: You know, even though I have a love interest turned Automaton, I pretty much have an unhealthy harem to the point where I follow this rule: E- 40.2-36.6: Dan: Yeah, yeah; Everyone gets the girl; goddammit, man! Why are you so explicit!? 36.2-34.5: The audience continued laughing their Asses off. Now it's anyone's game; both were just as stupid as the next guy. This was Toori's chance to strike. 33.3-27.9: Toori: I got beaten senseless by my harem every possible moment of my life; even my lover beat me senseless! 27.4-21.5: Dan: Try M.Bison (Vega), and his Doll system! They are sexy, but emotionless! They don't give a whale's chopped off testicles as to who they defeat, those damn soulless objects! 21.1-18.5: The Audience grew silent; not because they were bored, but because they feared the two comedians as they induced terror to even the fourth wall... Maybe... Even Masazumi & Futayo were hugging at each other like lovebirds worried that this won't end well... 17.9-11.5: Toori: So, to break the ice, My friends support my ass like I'm a frickfracking grunt surrounded by medics who support my cause to save whole worlds; ey dude? 10.9-9.3: Masazumi: (Come on...) 8.7-7.1: Futayo: (You can do this...) Dan then snapped... 6.6-0.1: Dan: Oh NOW you are gonna get it! (Saya no Uta OST 12 SAVAGE Ends.) Dan then used Otoko Michi, a parody of Shun Goku Satsu to grab at Toori, and an explosion occurred. However, despite Toori having no weakness towards physical harm from men, he is still alive, and as a result, tapped Dan on the arm with his foot, killing him Hazama style. K.O.! Futayo: Is it... Over? Toori: And it's over! I kicked this dumbass' butt without a single physical hit! Give me a-huh? By this point, the crowd simply left after The Roast of Dan Hibiki & Toori Aoi. Toori then felt parched, thus wanted to get some Iced Tea to chug down... Apparently a kick like that can still do 1% damage; more than enough to kill a Otoko Michi using Dan Hibiki. Hazama is to blame... Results/Credits (Cues Saya No Uta - Schizophrenia - OST 01) THIS MELEE'S WINNER IS... TOORI AOI! Dan Hibiki is from STREET FIGHTER, owned by CAPCOM. Toori Aoi is from Horizon in the Middle of Nowhere, owned by Dengeki Bunko "Mission Possible (But Difficult Task)" is from Little Busters!, owned by Key SAVAGE is from Saya no Uta, owned by Nitro+ Final Notes APOLOGIES TO EVERYONE EVERYWHERE... :( Category:What-If? One Minute Melees Category:East only themed One Minute Melees Category:Joke One Minute Melees Category:Idiot vs Idiot themed One Minute Melee Category:'Anime/Manga vs Video Games' themed One Minute Melees Category:Fighters with a Theme Category:Literature vs Video Game themed One Minute Melees Category:BMHKain Category:Completed What-If? One Minute Melees Category:One Minute Melees with Music